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| Howdy. I'm the Barefoot Contessa |
If you're anything like me, and you like to bombard yourself with pictures of domestic bliss you will never attain, you probably all know this woman. If not, she has a cooking show, try to keep up. And here are the reasons I really want to hate her:
1."Barefoot" MY foot
Yeaaaa right. Have you SEEN that kitchen?? Have you SEEN those trips she and her mysterious husband take?? The woman clearly owns shoes. They are probably $8 million. The tragic thing is, if we take any kind of hint from her hairstyle and ill-fitting blouses, they are probably ghastly. Like super expensive custom made clogs. Or platform flip-flops made out of 14K gold.
2. "Back to Basics"?
(This plays every episode after the intro, and every time I have to wonder which editor let that slide.)
Let's just re-create a scene really quickly and you'll see what I mean:
*Ina walks in placing her custom made bamboo fishing rod in the sterling silver umbrella holder*
"Oh, hello again. Today we'll be making homemade basil-pesto salmon puffs with a horseradish tarter sauce. Here's my handsome fish I just caught 5 minutes ago."
*Holds up fish carcass*
"Now, if you must catch it the night before, that's alright; it'll give you more time to whittle some mixing spoons and construct your own fishing smoker. I have mine all set up here. In you go Sir Salmon.
*She plops in the salmon who is magically cleaned*
"Now I've received numerous inquiries about using fresh herbs over dried. My answer to this, is that if you want to make easy, putrid food to be used as compost or to be thrown at others in ridicule, then by all mean use dried. If you want to make something delicious and edible so your absent spouse will look at you, then fresh is the only way to go.
Also, there have been many speculations about the fact that I barely seem married, and that my husband rarely appears on camera. I would just like to assure everyone that he is simply a busy economist and is in no way connected to the French-Canadian mob. And the French-Canadians' one legacy Celine Dion is not being held for ransom in our basement on a diet of my garlic herb bread and seltzer. No. And that yacht was a gift."
*Starts putting on wellies*
"Now to gather long-grain rice from your rice paddy for a pilaf...."
3. "Friends"
For as irritating as this woman is, she's more popular than a rooster in a henhouse. Seriously, why? She makes a Martha Stewart recipe look like a cop-out Lean Cuisine, and her Dutch Boy haircut doesn't disguise the fact that she doesn't possess a chin. She says things like "Chicken Salad Veronique" and "Zucchini Vichyssoise" with a straight face. She'd make Julia Child feel inadequate. All in all, I'd rather rub my arm with a cheese grater for an hour than be in the same room with this woman. I can only assume all her "friends" are highly paid and intimidated into silence by Ina's skills with a paring knife.
4. "She and her husband split their time between their homes in New York, The Hamptons, and Paris"
....Of course they do.
All these are reasons are enough to truly despise a person. And I desperately want to. But I can't....because....
I want to eat her food. I long to taste the zing of Chipotle Roasted Nuts. I want the playful flavors of Smoked Salmon Spread and Cucumber Tartine to tango upon my tongue. I want to live in her perfect pan-seared world. I want to rarely be around her and still reap the flavorful benefits.
I want to marry Ina Garten.
1. She explains that the Barefoot Contessa name comes from the previous name of her store, which was purchased from another woman who had named the store after a movie from the 1950's.
ReplyDelete2. Her cooking clothes aren't that uncommon in the North. Many of the older people I know where the oversized dress shirt because it's not restrictive and light so you don't sweat while cooking.
3. The barn/her show kitchen was most likely paid for by Food Network because it is built specifically for her to cook in for the show.
4. Don't put quotes around something the person hasn't actually said.
5. She brings friends over all the time because she is cooking at her home all the time and has to produce around 4 things per episode. If she doesn't invite people over to eat it quickly much of it would go to waste or be immediately thrown in the refrigerator.
6. Her pronunciation of recipes is accurate because she is cooking something French and actually knows the name of what she's cooking.
I bet you're a blast at parties.
DeleteExactly I love ina garten. This person is just a petty hater.
DeleteNo matter how you slice it (forgive the lame pun) Ina Gartner has plenty of detractors and they're not ALL haters - they can see her for the annoying phony that she is.
DeleteThat is hilarious. I can't stand her hair. It's obviously constantly in her way and her bangs are always in her eyes. It's really weird for someone who is going to be preparing food to have that kind of hair style.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous August 25, 2013 at 5:28 PM- you must be paid Ina staff. It does not matter what she cooks or how good it might be, Ina is too pretentious and painful to watch.
ReplyDeleteIna has visited Italy many times. Therefore she must have heard the word 'risotto'
ReplyDeletemany times. But she pronounces it 'ris oh toe' instead of ris ott toe. Why?
I really enjoy her and her show. Didn't your momma ever teach you, "if you can't say something nice, don' t say anything at all........
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy her and her show. Didn't your momma ever teach you, "if you can't say something nice, don' t say anything at all........
ReplyDelete