All By Myself

Long hailed as the ballad for disgruntled singletons everywhere, and the diddy I live to sing at my roommates who abandon me for weekend trips home, fear not friends, for that title is not indicative of a depressing post. We will saunter down the alley of agnst another time, preferably when I have a carton of Edy's beside me and some Taco Bell in my tummy. 

No. Today we are going to get all deep and thoughtful-like, and read too much into something that really isn't all that significant, just like girls do with everything else in the world. So, let us address a particular phenomenon that has perplexed me as of late; the one lone shoe phenomenon. A shoe that is....all by itself. Usually on the road side. Usually a chunky sandal or a clog. Always hideous. A relative of the shoes thrown over power lines, this roadside shoe always looks as if it was haphazardly discarded, perhaps no differently than an apple core, or the persrciption pills and booze of a traveler who is about to be pulled over. And I understand this process up to a point. Sure, especially on long car trips, I can't wait to take off my shoes and let the old hooves out to pasture and breathe some fresh air. Most people do.
 But that's where the hypothetical musings end. Because who, WHO takes the next and nonsensical step to throw their ONE SHOE out the window? As I said, the shoes thrown out are always disgusting excuses for footwear, but then throw out BOTH OF THEM. Why would you keep just one? So far, here is what I have come up with. Add at your will.
 Why People Are Ridiculous and Deliberately Doing to Their Shoe Collections What The Dryer Does to Socks:

 1. An attempt to gain a paperweight: With two shoes present, perhaps there is too much pressure to make use of them as shoes, and not a pointless desk tool. Because really, wouldn't you just shut the window if your paper was blowing everywhere?

 2. An attempt to make their lives into a modern day Cinderella tale: Here's a hint folks. Cinderella's shoes weren't chunky sale clogs from Clark's. The prince probs wasn't embarrassed to tote the slipper around town to find her. But you should be. Embarrassed you ever let those vile leather beasts on your feet.

 3. An attempt for entertainment employing the "Hit the Hobo" driving game: Unless the hobo you aim for has a hook like the guy from that Urban Legend, I don't condone this game. Although I'm sure the hobo would thank you for the new paperweight if he wasn't slightly concussed. Jerk.

I'm so relevant. Let me tell you how relevant I am.

Hi. Hi there. You might remember me? I pretended to be a dedicated blogger while I lived in Switzerland. That goal, however, was not to be. Since my return, this regret has encouraged me to try my hand at blogging again. Because my U.S. life is so super significant? No. No not at all. But I mean, this chick has a blog... http://willowscatblog.blogspot.com/ ...soooo I figured I could have a go. Most of the time I'm sure I'll just ramble on about something that for one reason or another I find significant. But on the off chance I get organized, I intend to rehash some categories. These include:

 -Pretension Parade: Wanna know why I'm so much cooler than you? Because when you ask me where I got that dress I can say "Oh I just picked this up in a shop while I was in France" and I like bands you've never even heard of. Now let me spurt off random facts about the works of Shakespeare and humble your mainstream life with my bountiful knowledge of all things underground and cool.

  -Angst Alley: Right around the corner from Depression Detour, I will occasionally lead you down Angst Alley. No need to bring along your pepper spray, my intentions are weepingly honorable. Come on, do you ever have those days where all you need slash want to do is buy copious amounts of chocolate and watch families and or lovers being torn apart by death and strife on screen while you cry? Cause that's my coping mechanism. "Steel Magnolias" or "Beaches" are my films of choice. Pop in those puppies and it's guaranteed that tears will flow from my eyes like the spit that rains down from a lisper's "S" words. And I'm gonna tell you about it.


(Am I impressing you with my alliteration affinity yet? *Pretensionnnnnn*)

 -Music Musings: I'll go into greater detail about those bands I know that you can only dream of. Then I'll denounce them after they get HUGE. *Ahem* ADELE.

 - Exploration of Unemployment: Hopefully one of the more short-lived topics, I'll discuss the soul-sucking, panic inducing, discouraging black hole that is the pursuit of a job. I mean really, I have a degree. It's in English so it's kind of pretend, but like Tori Spelling's long-lived yet terminal career, it's slightly real. And all my life I was assured it would help me procure a job that wasn't the worst. We. Shall. See. I submit these not for your approval, but because I wanted to. Deal with it. I have to go give my parents' dogs a bath soon, if we are being honest. Yea, that's how I choose to spend a Saturday night. With some animals. Willow and I have that in common.