All By Myself

Long hailed as the ballad for disgruntled singletons everywhere, and the diddy I live to sing at my roommates who abandon me for weekend trips home, fear not friends, for that title is not indicative of a depressing post. We will saunter down the alley of agnst another time, preferably when I have a carton of Edy's beside me and some Taco Bell in my tummy. 

No. Today we are going to get all deep and thoughtful-like, and read too much into something that really isn't all that significant, just like girls do with everything else in the world. So, let us address a particular phenomenon that has perplexed me as of late; the one lone shoe phenomenon. A shoe that is....all by itself. Usually on the road side. Usually a chunky sandal or a clog. Always hideous. A relative of the shoes thrown over power lines, this roadside shoe always looks as if it was haphazardly discarded, perhaps no differently than an apple core, or the persrciption pills and booze of a traveler who is about to be pulled over. And I understand this process up to a point. Sure, especially on long car trips, I can't wait to take off my shoes and let the old hooves out to pasture and breathe some fresh air. Most people do.
 But that's where the hypothetical musings end. Because who, WHO takes the next and nonsensical step to throw their ONE SHOE out the window? As I said, the shoes thrown out are always disgusting excuses for footwear, but then throw out BOTH OF THEM. Why would you keep just one? So far, here is what I have come up with. Add at your will.
 Why People Are Ridiculous and Deliberately Doing to Their Shoe Collections What The Dryer Does to Socks:

 1. An attempt to gain a paperweight: With two shoes present, perhaps there is too much pressure to make use of them as shoes, and not a pointless desk tool. Because really, wouldn't you just shut the window if your paper was blowing everywhere?

 2. An attempt to make their lives into a modern day Cinderella tale: Here's a hint folks. Cinderella's shoes weren't chunky sale clogs from Clark's. The prince probs wasn't embarrassed to tote the slipper around town to find her. But you should be. Embarrassed you ever let those vile leather beasts on your feet.

 3. An attempt for entertainment employing the "Hit the Hobo" driving game: Unless the hobo you aim for has a hook like the guy from that Urban Legend, I don't condone this game. Although I'm sure the hobo would thank you for the new paperweight if he wasn't slightly concussed. Jerk.