Transportation; A Plebeian Account

Good God I'm back! After the incredibly sorrowful and tearful (on my end) death of my beloved pink laptop, I was left utterly bereft and frankly felt like using a new computer was a huge betrayal. However, I now know that my dead laptop has no feelings, however if she did, she would be like the world begging Selina Gomez (aka me) to move on already. So here I am.

By the way, this laptop is black, and as I type I'm becoming increasingly certain that any ability of mine to be funny is actually possessed by crazily colored computers. So we'll see how this goes.

After seeing a passenger get smacked in the head by the foot of a child pole dancing on the subway while he should have been in school (This happens all the time. Like, ALL THE TIME.) I began reflecting on the strange beast the subway really is. This was made all the more possible thanks to the music I had blaring from my iPod in an attempt to drown out the couple screaming Hungruspolian or whatever terrifying language that was. And so we have a playlist, a musical narration if you will, for all of the experiences that await you on one of New York's, nay, the world's, strangest modes of transportation.

1. When the train is super full...

...or perhaps (even more disturbingly) when it is not.

2. When you see that homeless person sleeping on one of the benches and it's like 2 degrees outside and you don't understand why life is so damn unfair? This is also the night you not only went out to eat, but ate 1/4th of your food and refused a box because carrying it just seemed... Really. Really. Hard. Like that cold plastic seat that man is now sleeping on. You monster.

Anne gets it. Sure you relate more to Eponine, but what girl doesn't? Seriously, what girl because her life was obviously a lot easier than mine and that's not fair.

3. When you suddenly stop feeling bad because then you smell the poor homeless man.

I'm sorry you're homeless. If I give you a dollar can I breath again?

4.When you finally manage to fight and squeeze and endure gropings enough to get a seat....and then a million nursing home residents and kids on field trips and pregnant women get on.

But you do. You do move. Because you believe in decency. And because you need karma points since you didn't feed that homeless guy who is still out cold.

5. That horrific moment you accidentally make eye contact. Or emote. 

No! Wait! You want to live!

6. What to do after you've smiled/ you feel like you've been on here far too long.

I'm glad you wanna run, since you had better, now that the whole train knows you're a big, smiling, softie. Also, while  the streets do have names, they might as well not since there's a 90% chance you have no idea where you're going.

It's cool. Let Bono be your guide.